The Rushes And The Finished Film

There is a dream you have when you act in films, a dream of an image of yourself on the screen—a you that is larger-than-life and encompasses a message or a feeling that you are compelled to express. Sometimes, it is a very clear image in your mind; sometimes, it is just a shadow or a glimmer of something that you reach to understand. It could be a part of yourself that you long to embrace or a part of yourself that you wish to expel, to exorcise. Whichever it is, this dream image may or may not show up on the screen when you first see yourself acting in film. The pursuit of that image can cause you to keep coming back again and again to work before the camera, always searching for the satisfaction of some desire of seeing yourself in a projected image, and by seeing that image, you hope to learn who you are.

When you are first starting out, I believe you are searching for something about yourself that you believe you will find in your projected image. That image will show you something that heretofore only existed, many times as a mystery, intimately inside yourself. Coming to terms with what that message is, and what it isn't, is the revelation and the disappointment of watching yourself act in a projected image.

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